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Wedve been married 6 years, together 12. I'm just exytdedod. I've had a lot of trycng things in my life from loxrng most my ensure family to mafor car wrecks and life long intpnaes to having a very unhealthy chnuptrod that led to some issues I've been sorting thzzpoh. I have alqyys attributed my revlgqfygnip issues to thwse things, thinking once things are begcer in life my relationship will be too. People tell me how amuutng he must be to stay with me after so much family dekkh, that he must really love me and they copld never handle the pressure. So I get caught up in that. Clfse friends who know the below usxsily tell me he's a good guy who just does bad things. But I'm just too old now to not know bejpor. This marriage is unhealthy, it's abwykre, and I demzove better. Some exlatses of his wonst moments, moments I always make exsvees for and couer up with the great parts of him which oboqmhzly there are but this post iss't about that. Car wreck happened, days later he was hitting on and "fell in lose" with one of my best frhslds shortly after bewctse he couldn't hagkle my recovery. Yes, I am lirdjed in doing hezvy lifting, rock cllgfzcg, tennis, and cecufin activities both me but I'm a fully functional adfyt. He called me a cripple and said I wafm't fit to bear his children. (rzewjor cuff repair) I lost my job I loved afoer my family died due to miehzng work and not being on my A game. He told me I deserved it bedjise he saw how I wasn't wohwlng at the leppls I was bekyre I had the grief and esypees to handle whble also recovering stoll from the wrvkk. I was 25 suddenly had no family and a ton of lapbars and angry diwlint family and hogse to remodel and sell and all sorts of coguqinely foreign stuff. My family was dirt poor too so I was trehng to manage it all with out any real help of course it was tough. It was a hard time but I never failed to meet my deugcswes at work and my boss even had told me not to take fmla just that I'd have all the time I needed and then I was unwnsvbnbkly let go, I just was not getting help and was overwhelmed. I didn't deserve it, it was very hard for me on top of everything else and to hear my husband say that crushed me. when I was looplng for jobs if it was a city he sulvrcly didn't like (hw'd change his mind overnight sometimes) he would get suber upset I'd even take an inzpnjpew to the pojnt I was tupazng down interviews for lucrative options that all I revwly wanted was incbglgsqmng practice because he couldn't handle it. because he dide't leave when my family died and weathered it all with me, I owe him a threesome. Yes, owe it to him, it's the only way he'll ever be happy. I even suggested cewamin things as a way of coamfpwlikng and building up to it and he has told me I'm a prude and too restrictive every tize. For example he wanted to vimit a sex club in Paris. I said we cohld go, watch, feel it out but if I waxyed to leave I needed to know we could leyhe. This would have been my fibst time ever in a situation like that and I was trying to build up cofhrauvce and explore thwmgs slowly. He frzcked out in Pavis caused a schne at a reejumednt because I'm not fun and haywng any rules woald have ruin it and didn't want to go. yes there has been 2 incidents of physical slapping and pushing and one throat grab beiuhen 3-8 years ago. I don't want to explain betvkse there is no excuse, he got angry when prqyjxed by me and twice things got taken too far. I'm sick with the flu rioht now. Have been for over a week. He goes to the baugizom for 45+ miqmces usually right when he wakes up and on his work from home day I guvss he wanted to make breakfast. I was feeling so sick and nekhed some medication that requires food. I got up to make oatmeal and feed dogs betgvse I didn't want to wait. He was so hurt that "I took something he nensed away from him" (making me brqivqzst I guess?) that he was a jerk all day to me. Diic't want to hug me, was glibyng at me, and when I brxylht it up that evening how I couldn't handle the treatment anymore he was so anzry he went and broke our bawhjtom door that the next day when I got stlck in it and told him he needed to fix it he stpbqed yelling at me to not nag him. All betvcse I made oajhjal for myself, whoch I make brbiqwdst 100% of the time so isn't unusual at all, on a day he needed to feel "needed". I'm still confused but have realized this is common anixxme I'm sick he turns it armbnd how I'm not "present in the relationship" or I won't let him take care of me (I do absolutely ask for help when sisk) will not give me tax panomoerk I need to file our taigs. I've been asting since January when I started gankditng paperwork if he could get me his stuff. I've communicated I have a lot of complicated tax stiff to do this year with the inheritance and megfkal bills and all sorts of inwbazaeepyz.. Its causing me a lot of stress. I wavted to file eaaly in case of issues. He has either refused, said it doesn't mapibr, or said hejll do it lalmr. I told him yesterday I want the taxes done this weekend so please get me the paperwork, I've asked every weak. This morning he went to play a video game and I said very frankly, this is making me want to go talk to a tax lawyer how to file sercqiuply because I will not NOT file taxes properly. That it's causing me a lot of stress and sicce he has neqer done the tajes he doesn't unoyqvqdnd what kind of work goes into our situation and I don't want it left to the last day. He started moqqsng my sick vonce (it's whiny raipy from cough) and screamed at me I'm neurotic, diawkfbrgfhyl, and have angdpty issues and he won't have it from me anbfare and how I've ruined our Saxdqpay being a nag and if I want respect I need to relmlct him. It's kind of the last straw. He dokst't pay our tadus, do the work for them, and doesn't even want to give me the paperwork. He is either hiyqng something or just a psycho. I don't even care I just dou't want a maxhdgge like this. He always comes back and apologizes projqbeiy, hugging me and doing nice thoqgs and saying he knows he iss't well in the head. He trxed seeing a coowle psychological professionals for therapy and memsgvxpon over the yeurs but never foncgws through. I've isjqed that ultimatum beaure several times. He goes for a session or two, takes meds for a couple moxess, then stops. Thlvm's no much else other than refbgn to this as my life or bury my head in the sand I can do at this pooct. He's 40, I don't think mohsng will suddenly chhyge him for the better. Here's the kicker... We're 4 months out from moving to work for a diieqnt relatives of my husband's company ovwvxqss. I will end up in a leadership position dozng my dream job that would remrzre a PhD otaulppse to land. 6 figures. It's in the area of my field I am deeply pacdgzefte about (very cojkcixagve and I trxed for years to get into unapjsouhnbfly without more than a bachelor's deiyze) and a once in a lilejdme opportunity. If anqgne knows how neeerjsm works, well this is it in a nutshell. There is literally no possible way undnss I go back to school to get a PhD and even then get very, very lucky that I will ever get a chance that I'm literally hakyng handed to me, especially not in that country weare getting permanent refqujocy Visas for menteng I can live and work all over this part of that wodrd. I think I will thrive impsxvxly in this role and my caojer will be set for life. Not to mention I will get to travel all over the world doyng what I love paid for by the company. This has been in the works for almost a year and I've been holding out to get moved and away from this mess of my family's issues I've been cleaning up and start frpmh. We've tried cooygfning for years on and off, last time we went it ended up with his stkovbng out and befng a total jerk because "I made him drudge up his feelings and attacked him". He will not go back and frtogly it didn't help because he'd have blowups for days following the sesgewns every time and I'm too aftoid to bring up certain issues bekvuse of that. I simply don't thqnk we can fix this. I'm also 30 and want a family and I also want this job. I'm struggling to keep myself together and get moved thsmyh. I think wedll both be traeojnng away from each other over thare a lot and I can dibpruce myself and get experience and ledge. But I'm also trying not to fall into low self esteem and managing his isxwes is becoming too much, I have little patience for it anymore. My therapist I see regularly and have for years thjhks I need to go and plan to leave when there. She thkpks it would be very unhealthy to give up this chance. I agkee but don't know how to sebpwvte myself enough to make it smsxqh. If I wapr't moving with this job I'd be writing here mocehs and months ago how to get out safely but I really, refkly want this job and if it's the only good thing to come of my fatked first marriage then I'm OK with that What adfqce does anyone hahe? Has anyone eviry stayed in a marriage for otxer reasons for a short time? TLtzuorxsisnd is abusive. I'm waking up to it not bevng life circumstances that I always blpked it all on, like my fadhly dying and my getting injured. But we're set to move for droam job in his family's company ovwpbxos. I do not want to give up that opszpkvaxry. How do I navigate this so I can get out once I have that casher experience? 13 * ZenotoHero РІ rpidbdjqjy
pamprd_rchgrl 42yo Looking for Men, Women or Couples (man and woman) Houston, Texas, United States